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5hr Energy Trial in the Real World

5 Hour Energy

Shot it 10:41am

Empty stomach. Just took a walk to get it and get coffee for Wifey.

Overload of artificial sweetness with a metallic, weirdly mouth watering tingly feel. It went down rough, medicinal. Hard to keep it in the mouth, glad that’s over. Wait, it’s not over … lingering …

Desperately want to pop a few gummies to rid the foul lingering aftertaste.. but I want to see if these 200mgs will cause me issues first.


Finally got the sucralose off my teeth.. 5 minutes of swiping that with my tongue.

Got a weird rush feeling… feeling heart rate increase a bit. Rush immediately gone, but heart rate still up. Sitting down now.


10 mins in… Slight tinge of indigestion? Heart pangs. It’s been a while since I’ve done this test.. definitely not used to this stuff anymore. Let’s see how the next 5 hrs go.

Couple more sucralose swipes. Yuck. Filmy.

Is it working? Not sure.. walking around now to see if I can feel it more by activating.


Yup. Made it move. My eyes feel weird. Maybe my nervous system is on high alert? The gummies don’t rip your eyelids open like this, would much rather have the alertness and focus without the jagged toothpicks. But that’s what it feels like now 15-20 mins in, my eyes actually feel wobbly and might be vibrating.

Can feel the niacin warming my face, making me a little pinker. I don’t like to be pinker, I’m already pink enough. Wifey says I have rosacea now. Immediately she starts studying the connection between too much niacin, rosacea and abnormal immune reactions, it’s a thing apparently. Great.


Ok I’m dancing now, I can feel it now… 23 mins in, but there’s a good a song on so I’m not sure.. Outcast: The way you move. Wifey is laughing at the way I move.

Breathing got a little thick right now, that’s a weird side effect. Noticing my breath, should have a monitor on probably, or maybe a medical professional standing by. Still haven’t eaten anything, so haven’t covered this up with more food and sugar like a typical person would have done by now. The only feelings are the 5hr Energy for this experiment.

Just burped. Nutritionalists would say that’s my body talking to me and that I should listen to it. But I dont understand what it’s saying? Am I in a state of confusion? I’ll wait until the next conversation. Scattered thoughts…

Stopped dancing. Just standing now, trying to concentrate on what she is saying but i can’t because I have about 30 other thoughts running around in my head… she’s yelling at me now. “Give me your attention for 2 mins!” I can’t. Who is she again?


Starting to feel the gross jittery fluttery stomach feelings.. I don’t like it. I have a scowl on my face and my hands are shaking slightly. The test here is picking up a pen and holding it in the writing position. I’m getting hangry now. But I think it’s just because I want to tamp down this empty feeling inside. 30 mins in. Height of the 5hr Energy? (which if it truly is 5hr Energy should happen at 2.5hrs in right?)

My lips are sweet? It came back up. Felt a tinge of nausea there for a moment. I wonder what’s actually happening inside of me right now. I think I can hear command central bitching at me. Imagining that Osmosis Jones cartoon.

Just got nasty with Wifey, ain’t got no patience now, or even less than normal patience not sure which. I don’t care about the ground breaking of a new school in the area. I don’t have to hear about every news update. Come on woman.

Spousal abuse is an associated affliction.

Michael Jackson is on.. squirrel! (UP movie reference)

Whistling now, very good whistle on 5hr Energy by the way, must be the coating on my tongue still. Singing voice improved too. Hope that lasts more than 5 hours.

Pupils are tiny! Wow! The eye wiggle real now. This is not the feeling you get on the gummies. Is extreme pupil contraction bad for you or does it train your eyes to work better in the dark?


40mins in, feels like it’s leveling out.. heart rate down, breathing easier, the air is thinner, still feels occasional jolts and jitters, but hands are steady again with the pen.

Actually can still jump around and activate it, much like the gummies, slosh around the 5hr with all its other stuff too. For me, the gummies are just the caffeine working.. totally different and less anxious feeling. Nervous system ratcheted back up with the movement.. shaky again, eyes bugging again, nausea in the background. Don’t enjoy all the extra stuff on top of the caffeine.

By the way, 200mg of this is not the same as 200mg of Punch’d. That’s the real test here. That’s the main reason we’re doing this experiment. The better way to work with this 5hr Energy is to sip it 2-3 times, which is also the way the gummies work. No one needs 100-200mg all at once.

I’m itchy.


I’ve decided I’m only going to spend an hour with this feeling. I’m nauseous.. so 10 more mins with this crap. Starting to get a bit aggravated. Agita is the word we use for this. Gritty is the word people on speed would use.

Is this really 1-hour energy? As soon as I decided to cut this off, the sensation started subsiding. I didn’t command this, this is really just good for 1 hour, which tracks with the efficacy and half-life of caffeine in most people.

Grumpy now. Coming down. Gross. Hate this. If this was my only source of happiness I’d need to start shooting another one right now. Vicious cycle and it’s already wreaking havoc on me in a very short amount of time.

No patience for anything or anyone right now. Impossible to be productive. Don’t even feel like reporting this anymore. Watching the clock. 4 more minutes to get to the full hour. F you 5hr energy. You suck. Cannot wait until this is over.

Head heavy. Bit of a crash, haven’t felt that in a long time.

12:41. Eating. Relief.


Noon … total bounce back. Thank you food. Imagining that’s how most people deal with the trauma. Smother it. Spike your insulin so you can pull yourself back up by the bootstraps and level out the caffeine. This is setting me up for caffeine fatigue today. Like hitting the nitrous too hard, too soon, in the quarter mile.

The food is fixing everything that just happened to my system. For some this is a normal every day experience. It doesn’t have to be. There’s a much better for you alternative now and this is very honest review of that. Explains why productivity in the workforce is down and why everyone is cranky.

I’m never doing that again.

Get Punch’d. Treat your energy better.


Who’s up for being a guinea pig?! (uh, we mean test subject)

We’re looking for independent analysis of Punch’d Energy vs. 5hr Energy and we want to hear your story. Pop Punch’d one day. Take 5h Energy the next. Show & share your experience. Do you get weirded out and then end up in an angry pile like us? Or do you love that eye rattling teeth grinding feeling? Tell us. Tell the World.

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